Our Warrior's Battle Against CHD

Our Warrior's Battle Against CHD

Saturday, March 28, 2015

Mommy Fail

Lincoln is officially therapeutic on Coumadin, so he is off of the heparin drip! We will get to move to the more private 7th floor of PICU away from the heart surgical center PICU. 

He had his Central Venous Catheter removed and two lines from his feet. But I totally failed him. They always tell you to leave, and I knew I wasn't  strong enough to watch another procedure, another session of pain & panic. They brought child life in to distract him while I left. I didn't want to watch him suffer more. When I came back, it was obvious that it was awful- he was covered in sweat, hair soaking wet, and blood leaking from one of his IVs in his feet. And he looks at me, saying through his plow- "don't leave me." Mommy fail. My heart is broken that I left and he needed me. He says he has forgiven me, and now just wants to sleep on my shoulder & snuggle. 

This whole situation may be filled with grace, but it is also filled with hundreds of decisions that I don't know the right answer to. No one prepares a parent for this journey-one of hardship, suffering, constant decision-making, faith that God will see us through, trust in every person who cares for him, and heart ache for all he has to endure. And I made the wrong choice today. One I will not make again. 

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