Rough Saturday morning

Poor Lincokn just cannot catch a break. He has been struggling this morning in a lot of different ways. His sodium levels are still high, which the docs are investigating with further tests. He spiked a fever this morning, and they have brought his temperature down, but they are testing him for signs of infection to try and figure out why he has a fever. Lincoln also has air and fluid next to his lungs which are making him uncomfortable and have fast breathing levels. This can be from the chest tube being removed, so we are hoping it will heal itself soon. We are supposed to let him be today, and try to stay away from him because he gets so upset that we can't hold him. His blood pressure sky-rocketed early this morning when Murph was talking to him, so today is a quiet, dark room with little interactions to just let him heal and rest.

They are also trying to prepare him and us for his blood-thinner medication because it has a lot of side effects, dosage variety, and training that we need to be prepared for. I have to watch what I eat and drink with nursing because even that can affect his co-ag levels. So today, I am kind of a wreck for my baby's health short-term, long-term, and just getting him through this recovery. Right now, we are nowhere near the safe zone, and that is absolutely  terrifying. Every time we think positively, something slaps us down.

Today, Lincokn is four months old. I should be placing his sweet self on the calendar to take his monthly picture. I should be holding him in my arms and listening to him coo. Instead, I am watching  his vitals, listening to jargon I don't understand, and praying he will come out of this. I just want him to be healthy and happy. We all miss him at home. The house doesn't feel right- there is a void that cannot be filled without him. The boys miss him like crazy. Jackson just keeps asking for "Bink-in" and Sam wants to know when Linc can come home and read books about Abraham Lincoln until he does come home.  This isn't just a disruption for our family, it has momentarily torn us apart. And we just pray that we can be whole again soon.